So Full

by Madeleine Toerne

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1.
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04:02
4.
02:51
5.
05:39
6.
03:35
7.
04:44

credits

released May 30, 2017

All songs mixed by Daniel Aguirre. Sal Lake, Collin Geddis, and Jacob Tisdale featured on "So Full" and "But Mama."

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Madeleine Toerne Athens, Ohio

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Track Name: Ordinary People
Drone turnpike comfort, brownish blackness
Wonder where I am for five or six seconds
genuinely afraid
I realize I am in bed, in a womb
Two dank faded eyes, bluish blackish
look straight up
Ordinary people
Ordinary fucking people
The smell is me crawling around on the carpet
brother dressed in pink feather boa
The smell is people describing the smell as “country”
but the way they say it makes it sound so ugly
Ordinary people
Ordinary fucking people
They use so many plastic bags
Never put kittens in carriages
Caged themselves up in their room with barbie
While I’m tortured on a bed of legos
Attracted to a doll
Sexuality is a spectrum
Ordinary people
Ordinary fucking people
I’m young, young young young young young
Happy go
Young, young, young, young, young, happy go
I should go
Where I wanna go
Glass city walls, glass is shiny
Windex washed walls, lots of money
For the sweetest warehouse lookout
Give me singing, give me dancing
Give me intentionality
Please, please, please don’t give me money
That’s for ordinary people
Ordinary fucking people
I’m young, young young young young young
Happy go
I’m young, young, young, young
Happy go
I should go
where I wanna go
Ordinary people
Ordinary fucking people
Track Name: Drowning In My Clothes
I wanna be drowning in my clothes
I’d feel less exposed if I were drowning in my/ drowning in my clothes

I wondered if seabirds had personality
they dive for their food, but do they cry when they get in the mood, do they get in the mood?

A hawk followed me down to the shore at dawn x7
We marched toward the sea, this bird looking after me
drowning in my/ drowning in my clothes

I don’t want to be a weakness to anyone, I don’t want to be a weakness
I forget when i’m in pain/ that someone might feel the same, but do we all feel the same?

Drown, drown, Mademoiselle drowned
arms of the sea, drown down
she returned to the womb
she couldn’t be free so she drowned down
Drowned without her clothes
water filled her mouth and her nose
Drown down, drown down, drown down


I wanna be drowning in my clothes
I’d feel less exposed if I were/ drowning in my/ drowning in my clothes
Track Name: Pretty Moms
Pretty moms all in a rush in the town
Pretty moms all in a rush
Pretty moms running their errands in town
Pretty moms are all in a rush

Eating soup next to the river in town
Lemon soup, seagulls are flying around
I’m really watchin’ not reading it out of a book
I am watching, lifting up my head to look
(I look)

And pretty moms all in a rush in the town
Pretty moms all in a rush
Pretty moms running their errands in town
Pretty moms I’m so out of touch

My iced tea says it's good for the body and mind
I’m pretty dizzy, hope it’s doing something for mine
Pretty moms, rushing all over the town
They don’t want to let any of their kin down
kin down
kin down

Buffalo gals won’t you come out tonight
Come out tonight, come out tonight
Buffalo gals won’t come out tonight and dance by light of the moon

x2
Track Name: So Full
Featuring Sal Lake, Collin Geddis, and Jacob Tisdale. Recorded by Daniel Aguirre.
lyrics
Sun set goes down and then I get lonely.
Friends say you gotta regain your sense of autonomy,
Regain your sense of smell.
Dip your hands in the shallow water (dip your hands in the water),
So full of refreshing green mystery,
So full of non-contaminated algae.

Oh gee, I love those wooden structures.
The dust is okay.
But the wooden structures on the frame--I will rue the day.
When this house isn't filled with friends of mine,
When there's no black jeans to hang on a line,
When there's no six-pack, or box of wine
On the refrigerator (rigerator),

Is so full (so full), so full (so full).
How could it be so full when there was nothing to eat?
I'm so full (so full), so full (so full)
of fluid inspired star stuff.

So happy to walk on the streets above,
Candy in my pocket, candy in your heart pocket.
So sweet and simple, spring birds on the sill.

I knew it took you a while to see me,
But I was over here, seeing this bee.
This bee (this bee), this bee (this'll be)
A pretty good epiphany,

When this summer I'm gonna be (all alone)
It'll be just me and my cell-phone,
And if the wind is raging, I'm gonna be blown
And if the sun is shining, I'm gonna get some sun
And if I see an elk, I will not run
I will not run away, I'll back slowly away
(Away, away, away)
I will not run away, I'll back slowly away
credits
released April 26, 2016
Track Name: But Mama
Baby Misha, I'd call her
As we'd stroll down the nearest river
River banks, and I love you so much

Not just because my body
Forces me to,
Oh dear, unborn child I still want to possess you

The ultimate work of art
A project and production
I'd nurture, nurture, nurture her

Refrain:
But mama,
But what?
But mama,
But what?
But mama, but mama, but mama, but what

Little Avorys, and Ivorys,
and Josephs, and Jacks and Rileys
All wily, all Velcro, all mine

I'm the captain, I'm a shark
I am holding your hand in the dark
I'll teach you to dance when you're older

Little Floras, and Jonahs, and Lenas
and Liams and Monas
I'll miss you, but I want you to be free

Refrain

You're all better off
You'll understand when you're a mother
and that's me thinking that she wants to be a mother

She'll feel the same feel
'Cause we have the same blood
But she's positive, and I'm negative

Refrain

The influence is rather mighty
Her bruised blue eyes are flighty
She wants to spin around on the lawn

It hurts to say this:
"child with a child pretending"
but I worry that's all I'll ever amount

It hurts to say this
But mama, but mama, but what
credits
released January 3, 2016
The lyrics "child with a child pretending" come from Joni Mitchell's song "Little Green"
Track Name: Girl Mentor
I drank four unknowing months of rust water (rust water)
I knocked on the block of every virgin daughter (and found your daughter)
saw a mark on a slab of wood
saw her bangs through the slit in her hood
she refused to be anything
less than girl mentor

Girl mentor, now have I searched high and low for you?
I’m with my crew,
you’ve de-romanticized the hill life, here comes the strife
Empty bottles cracked over my head at dawn, no more a fawn
Transformation to a woman I no longer recognize

Girl mentor, now have I searched the sea and the breeze for you?
Here’s what you do: make me feel worthy of the world’s attention
And did I mention, you wake up and read in the light of the morning
here I am mourning, you leave me with myself my thoughts girl mentor

Girl mentor, now have I walked track and trail for you?
Pink smoldering sunrise, in your neighborhood, it’s your town
Pink smoldering sunset, I move around, I move around
I chew on Valerian root
‘cause I had too much coffee after noon
I am shaky and thinking of you,
Girl mentor,

Girl mentor, I’ll carry buckets of water to you
and when we’re through, we’ll know ourselves, our friends, what else is true
here’s what you do make me feel worthy of the world’s attention
And did I mention, you wake up and read in the light of the morning
here I am mourning, you leave me with myself my thoughts girl mentor
Track Name: Alaska
Yellow lamp, shining bright
Yellow lamp, you’re the light
yellow lamp you reveal red bumps

Window seat on the bus
Window seat, in you I trust
window seat wish you were permanent

Archeology, you sound great
Digging for bones, I hope I’m not too late
Archaeology, ‘cause I wanna go to Alaska

Refrain:
I wanna go
I wanna go
I wanna go, to Alaska

Lemon water, in my jar
Lemon water, in my car
Lemon water to refresh my sore throat

Mason jar, silhouette car
Diamond needle, and a drive too far
Rich black hair parted down the middle

Happy trails, in solitude
Why do I feel like I need a dude?
To be alone, roughing it in Alaska

Refrain:

Mountains and mountains of cologne
I won’t smell it and I won’t need a phone
just the three things I’d bring with me to an island

A crystal stick, a barrel of wine
a sorrowful heart wavering like wind chimes
to be alone in the breeze, in Alaska

I don’t know, I’ve never been there
in fact I’ve hardly been anywhere
but I know a green Douglas fir when I see one

Refrain